Difficult Gluten-Free, Vegan Strawberry Matcha Cake Recipe

Step by step directions for the perfect dessert (or breakfast).

It all began with “The Last Supper” hosted by a departing fellow who is leaving Greece for Japan.

“And Then There Were (Five)” -Agatha Christie

As a nod to Japan, I thought it would be fun to make a matcha dessert that adhered to my (faulty) knowledge of everyone’s dietary restrictions.

A quick Google search brought me to Rhian’s Recipes’ Gluten-Free, Vegan Matcha Strawberry Cake.

Rhian’s Recipe was wonderful, but I made a couple small tweaks to create the perfect gluten-free, vegan matcha strawberry cake.

They never said the perfect gluten-free, vegan strawberry matcha cake would be easy.

Ingredients

I was first drawn to the recipe because of the ingredients. None would dare to require the support of an entire city to locate, culminating in a bus scene where a fellow bus commuter spoke up to save the day.

Cake Ingredients

-0.25 cup coconut oil
-1 cup unsweetened almond milk

Pro Tip: You can make your own almond milk using almond butter and water

-Juice from one lemon
-0.25 cup maple syrup
-1 tablespoon vanilla extract
-1.25 cup almond flour
-1.25 cup oat flour
-1.5 teaspoons baking soda
-1 teaspoon salt
-1 tablespoon matcha powder

Strawberry Frosting Ingredients

-1 can of coconut milk
-1 container of strawberries
-1 teaspoon corn starch

Kitchenware

-Standard kitchenware
-Immersion blender
-Electric whisk missing an attachment to connect to the electric part
-2 milk frothers

Method

Step 1: Grab a sous chef. This step is non-negotiable. Without a sous chef, this recipe will make you cry. Might I recommend the amazing Cameron Barnes, author of Closed Captions? If you cannot find a sous chef as wonderful as mine, then I suppose any random stranger off the street will do.

Step 2: Melt the 0.25 cup of coconut oil in the small saucepan on low heat. Once melted, transfer to your large mixing bowl with the help of a rubber scraper. The recipe has officially begun. So too has the ticking time bomb as you race against the coconut oil’s desire to return to its naturally solid form.

Step 3: Mix in 1 cup of almond milk, 0.25 cups of maple syrup, 1 tablespoon vanilla extract, and the juice from one lemon.

Step 4: Now stir in 1.25 cups almond flour, 1.25 cups oat flour, 1.5 teaspoons baking soda, 1 teaspoon salt, and 1 tablespoon matcha powder. Thank goodness this recipe doesn’t require us to fold anything in because we still don’t know what that means.

Step 5: Preheat the oven to 180 degrees. You were supposed to do this before step 1.

Step 6: Transfer half of your murky green batter with coconut oil chunks into a parchment-lined circle cake pan. Stick that in the oven for 10 minutes. Take it out. Let it sit for 2 minutes. Look at it suspiciously. Put it back in the oven for 3 minutes. Take it out. Wait. Grab the parchment paper and helicopter lift the cake out of the pan to transfer it onto a plate. Flip the cake onto another plate. Remove the parchment paper.

Step 7: Put a new piece of parchment paper into the circle pan. Pour the rest of the murky green batter with larger coconut oil chunks into the pan. Put that into the oven. Take it out after 12 minutes. Let cool.

Step 8: Now move onto the frosting. Wash the full container of strawberries. Cut the tops off of the strawberries. Now cut the strawberries into smaller pieces. Transfer these strawberries to a bowl. Cut them again into even smaller pieces. And again. And again. Now mash with a fork.

Step 9: Take the canned coconut milk out of the fridge. Scoop the thicker part out of the can. Look down at the tiny amount in your bowl. Look at the cake. Look back at your bowl. Trust the process.

Step 10: Grab your electric whisk to whisk the canned coconut milk into frosting. Realize a part of your whisk is missing so it can’t be electrified.

Step 11: Look in defeat at sous chef. Sous chef will suggest using a milk frother.

Step 12: Use the milk frother. The milk frother will make the coconut milk fluffier, but it will not turn it into frosting.

Pro Tip: Seize this perfect opportunity to spray coconut milk all over your kitchen’s backsplash to add an artistic touch.

Step 13: Use the combined power of two milk frothers. Two will have the same effect as one.

Step 14: Transfer the frothed coconut milk to your immersion blender cup. Blend. The coconut milk will look the same as before.

Step 15: Add a teaspoon of corn starch to the frothed and immersion-blended coconut milk. Blend. Now your coconut milk will separate into thick lumps swimming in thin coconut liquid.

Step 16: Transfer your lumpy coconut milk concoction back into the bowl.

Step 17: Use your electric whisk that can’t be electrified to hand whisk the lumpy coconut milk concoction. The whisk will collect the many coconut milk lumps into one lump.

Step 18: Transfer the coconut milk lump to a new bowl.

Step 19: Add the mashed strawberries to this bowl containing the coconut milk lump.

Step 20: Use a fork to mix the mashed strawberries with the coconut milk lump. Now you have many small coconut milk lumps swimming in mashed strawberries.

Step 21: Mix your strawberry coconut milk mixture with your non-electric, electric whisk. Your mixture will look the same as before (i.e., unappetizing).

Step 22: Transfer the mixture into the immersion blender cup. Blend. This will create a reddish-pink smoothie-like substance with white specks sprinkled throughout.

Step 23: Spread part of the strawberry, coconut milk smoothie onto the bottom layer of the murky green vegan, gluten-free matcha sponge cake sitting on the plate.

Step 25: Pick up the top layer of the cake with your hands to place on top of the cake’s frosted bottom layer. The top layer will crumble in your hands and fall in many pieces on top of the cake.

Step 26: Piece the crumbled cake back together.

Step 27: Flip the cake between two plates so the cake layer that required surgery is now on the bottom and the previously bottom layer is now on top.

Step 28: Break a glass cup in the sink to maintain the optimal level of unease and stress that you’ve worked so hard to create.

How Not to Have to (Wash) the Dishes
By Shel Silverstein

If you have to (wash) the dishes
(Such an awful, boring chore)
If you have to (wash) the dishes
('Stead of [hanging out with Lore])
If you have to (wash) the dishes
And you drop one (or more)—
Maybe (Lore) won't let you
(Wash) the dishes anymore.

Step 29: Use the remaining strawberry coconut milk frosting to frost the cake’s top layer.

Step 30: Decorate the cake with strawberry pieces.

Step 31: Garnish with matcha powder.

Step 32: Share the cake.

Step 33: Eat the cake.

Step 34: Forget how to sleep.

Step 35: Dream of the cake you may never build again.